


GET THE HELL ONLINE!

by lolabirdlolie



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: AKA Fundy started dating dream because he told dream a really bad pickup line and dream was like, Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst for everyone!, Baby Toby Smith | Tubbo, Baby TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Babysitting, Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Bittersweet Ending, But Tommy and Tubbo are still friends yknow, Chatting & Messaging, Cheating, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and Angst, DadSchlatt, Dadza, Dirty Jokes, Does NOT take place in Minecraft, Dream is lowkey an asshole, Dream is the popular boy of the school, Floris | Fundy Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Flustered Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Fundy and dream are THAT couple, Fursonas, Fursuits, Get this man a man T_T, Highschool AU, Homophobia, Horny Teenagers, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Kid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Kid TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Light Angst, Mama Q, Marijuana, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Modern au but yknow the hybrids still exist teehee, No beta we die like Tommy and Tubbos friendship, One sided sapnap/dream, One-Sided Attraction, POV Multiple, Party, Partying, Pining Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Pining GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Sapnap Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Schatt is rich af, Schlatt is Tubbo's father is what i mean, Single parent Schlatt, Single parent jschlatt, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Sleepy Boys, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow To Update, Soft GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Swearing, Tags Are Hard, Teen Angst, Teen Crush, Teen Romance, Tommy is like 4, Tommyinnit has no idea wtf is going on, Trans Character, Trans Floris | Fundy, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Weed lmaoo, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, bittersweet fundywastaken, chatfic, groupchats, its canon, minor dreamnotfound, oneshots, or is there a beta HAHAHBAABAH, rated teen for cursing, teehee :), yes i want this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28616148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lolabirdlolie/pseuds/lolabirdlolie
Summary: Quackity: plss bail me out @SchlattSchlatt: Wtf happendQuackity: i got arrested aganWilbur: HOW???Fundy: Jesus christQuackity: i snuk into da pubWilbur: WE DONT HAVE A PUB?!Quackity: well damn i snuck into somethingSchlatt: You fucking dumbass...Aka the description is funnier then the actual fic
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt, Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Clay | Dream/Floris | Fundy, Eret & Floris | Fundy, Floris | Fundy & Ranboo, Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Minor Karl Jacobs/Sapnap/Quackity, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 44
Kudos: 793





	1. the dickiest of pics

**Author's Note:**

  * For [XxAwesomeMel62xX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxAwesomeMel62xX/gifts).



> "I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO JAIL"

_**Wilbur made a groupchat** _

_**Wilbur named the groupchat IM GOING TO FUCKING FAIL** _

_**Wilbur added Fundy, Schlatt, Quackity, Technoblade, Dream** _

Fundy: Wtf is this for

Wilbur: THE PROJECT IS DUE TOMMOROW

Quackity: WHAT

Schlatt: jesus u guys are stupid i have like 90% of my part done

Fundy: AND HE HAS A KID!

Schlatt: hell yeah

Technoblade: I'm not even in this project??

Wilbur: Yeahh but ur my brother and a total nerd when it comes to Greek shit

Dream: What the hell??

Technoblade: HEH?

Technoblade: DO UR OWN WORK IM AT THE LIBRARY RN

Wilbur: WHEN U COME HOME U HAVE TO HELP ME

Technoblade: NO I NEED TO PICK UP TOMMY FROM DAYCARE

Wilbur: WHEN DID TOMMY GO TO DAYCARE

Quackity: dam ur dumb ahhahah :laughing_face:

Technoblade left the groupchat

Fundy: ...

Schlatt: ... 

Dream: ...

Quackity: ...

Wilbur: WHEN DID TOMMY GO TO DAYCARE??!?!

Dream: how fucking stupid do you have to be.

Schlatt: he goes to the daycare at xxx u dubm gay bitch

Wilbur: How do you know?

Schlatt: Tubbo goes to the same one

Wilbur: ...

Quackity: @fundy lets fuck

Schlatt: WHAT

Dream: QUACKITY IM GOING TO SQUEEZZU UR SCHOUL

Wilbur: HEH?!?!?

Quackity: IM KIDDING ;)

Fundy: pls what

Schlatt: dont make me kill u whore

Quackity: what

Fundy: uh

Schlatt: JUST KIDDING :)

Wilbur: THE PROJECT IS DUE TOMMOROW

Fundy: FUCK THE PROJECT-

Dream: idc

Schlatt: same im like 97% done with my part

Quackity: we had parts???

Wilbur: god we are hopeless

Quackity added xxx-xxx-xxx

Quackity named contact George

George: huh

Dream: GEORGIE

Fundy: you know what i think im gonna go fuck quackity :thumbs_up:

George: what

Dream: NO IM SORRY

Quackity: AHAHHAHHYHAGAHGABHAGAAGhGAHHbh

George: what

Dream: the project is due tommorow

George: ...

George: ...

George:...

George sent an attachment

Wilbur: OH GOD

Schlatt: AHHAH GEORGE WTF GAY ASS

Quackity: damn :smile:

Dream: THAT IS NOT GEORGES DICK TRUST ME IVE SEEN IT

Fundy: WHAT 

George: who is this?

Quackity: uh i added the wrong number

Fundy: @dream YOUVE SEEN WHAT

Wilbur: WE ARE MINORS!!

George: I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO JAIL BYE

George left the groupchat

Fundy: @dream YOU HAVENT ANSWERED MY QUESTION

Dream: YOU KNOW WHAT

Dream left the groupchat

Wilbur: who has the answer for 23

Schlatt: idk wtf ur talking about

Fundy: WHAT THE HELL!!!

Fundy left the groupchat

Wilbur: im going to fail


	2. RIP QUACKITY, SCHLATT, FUNDY, AND DREAM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur fuckiing fails
> 
> (and hunts them down one by one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> <3

**Wilbur made a groupchat**

**Wilbur named the groupchat "Im hunting you all down you shouldnt have gave me your adress"**

**Wilbur added Fundy, Quackity, Schlatt, Dream**

Quackity: wauhahwwhat wwith that name wilbur

Fundy: Yeah :))

Wilbur: I GOT A D

Schlatt: thats ur fault I did my part

Quackity: ya same ur jsut udmb

Wilbur: QUACKITY TO FILL IN THE WORD COUNT U JUST WROTE COCK A BUNCH OF TIMES AT THE END!??!

Quackity: alrigt??

Schlatt: yea wilbur thats smart

Fundy: Omfg

Wilbur: im offing myself bye :D

Dream: I got an A+ for my part :l

Schlatt: Dream i have ur adress

Quackity: i have a gun

Dream: When did i give u my adress?

Schlatt: rn

Schlatt: look outside

Dream: ...

Dream: WHAT WHY ARE YOU OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE

Schlatt: GET OUT OF THE ROOM DREAM AND COME FIGHT ME LIKE A MAAANNN

Dream: IM SORRY YOUR BAD AT SCHOOL THATS NOT MY FAULTOJHJGYHJKUYGUIW*#*2

Dream went offline

Fundy: WHAT

Fundy: SCHLATT!!!!

Quackity: RIP DREAM 2019 - 2020

Fundy: THATS NOT EVEN FUNNY

Schlatt: hay guys im back 

Fundy: WHAT DID U DO WITH MY BF

Schlatt: I TAUGHT HIM HOW TO BE A MANNNN

Dream went online

Dream: WHERE DID U FIND ALL THIS ALCOHOL!?!?!?

Wilbur: im so done witht his gorup oh god

Wilbur: we are so fucked

Wilbur: how did you guys get throguh 1st grade

Schlatt: I BOUGHT IT FROM MY DEALER

Dream:!?!!

Quackity: SEND LOCATION 

Schlatt sent his location

Quackity: HELL YEAHAHHHH VODKAA

Dream: WAIT NO

Quackity: IM COMING OVER :smile:

Schlatt: AHHAHAHAHHA

Dream: MY DAD IS COMING HOME IN LIKE AN HOUR NO PLS

Quackity: IM ALMOST THERE

Schlatt: AHAHAH I SEE U

Quackity: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wilbur: i give up

Wilbur: why do i even try

Wilbur: you know what im going to dreams house

**Wilbur went offline**

Fundy: ...

Fundy: what just happened

Fundy: am i the only one who doesnt live supernaturally close to dream?

**Fundy went offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW THE SUPPORT I HAD LAST CHAPTER!?!? THANK U ALL <3
> 
> I HOPE U ENJOYED THIS


	3. home is were the furry is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> name inspired by https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659549
> 
> RANBOO IS VERY OOC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont rlly have a plan for this chapter so..

**Ranboo made a groupchat**

**Ranboo named groupchat cracktivities 🤣🤓**

**Ranboo added Wilbur, Technoblade, Fundy, Jschlatt, Eret, Sapnap**

Ranboo: Hi guys 😛

Wilbur: Wtf is this Ranboo

Technoblade: Ha ha ha.

Jschlatt: RANBOO LMAOO

Ranboo: What? 😮

Fundy: THAT EMOJI IS HAUNTING

Eret: 🟡

Wilbur: NO

Sapnap: ranboo when did u start texig like this?

Ranboo: i saw it on facebook 🤓

Sapnap: WELL FUCKING STOP

Ranboo: ..

Wilbur: wow rude

Eret: yeah ikr

Fundy: woww..

Technoblade: Ruder then when i stab orphans..

Sapnap: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Ranboo: y do i need to stop

  
Sapnap: bcus ur a fucking cracker

Ranboo: UR WHITE TO

Sapnap: CRACKTIVITIES? RLLY?  
  


Ranboo: FREAK U!!!  
  


Wilbur: HAHAHHAAHAHAhAHHA

Eret: UIEYGFGHJKUIYTFGHIUYHGFVGHJIKJUYTGFDCFVGHJUYTFRGHJI*U&YTRFCVBJKI*UYTGF

Ranboo: Among us codes be like 🤣🥶

Fundy: OH GOD

Sapnap: IT BACKFIRED IT BACKFIRED-

Ranboo: WHAT IS WRONG THIS TIME

Wilbur: The boys 🥶😈

Ranboo: Well i am a boy!

Technoblade: true true

Sapnap: T-THATS NOT THE POINT

Ranboo: WELL U CAN GO TO HECK FOR ALL I CARE!

Eret: ..

Fundy: ..

Eret: AHUSYHGHJAHHAHAHHAHAH

Fundy: UHEJHGDHJUYTGHJUSHGBHJUHBNJSHBNJSIH

**Schlatt went online**

Schlatt: ...

Schlatt: So did i woke into fundy and eret having a stroke or?

Eret: NAHHAHAHAUUBHHHHH BACKREAD  
  


Schlatt: ...

Schlatt: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Fundy: Also no bitchboy

Schlatt: Whatever furry

Fundy: IM NOT A FUCKING FURRY

**Wilbur sent an attachment**

?

Fundy: THATS NOT ME

Schlatt: Thats not u?

Fundy: OFC NOT

Ranboo: what about ur fursona then ??

Fundy: I DONT HAVE A FURSONA

**Wilbur sent an attachment**

Then whats this?

Fundy: WTF IS THAT  
  


Wilbur: Ur fursona

Eret: OH GOD

Ranboo: NO NO PELASE

Fundy: THAT IS NOT A FURSUIT

Sapnap: I WAS AFK OH GOD

Schlatt: hot

Wilbur: My point exactly

Sapnap: hey girl~ IHIUYHGHJKIUYHJUEYYUYTGSBHJ*YTGEHJIUHNWMKIUSHYGBJUEH 

Schlatt: hey girl im fukcing dying

Technoblade: WILBUR COME HELP ME WITH TOMMY

Wilbur: IM NOT AT HOME RN

Tecnoblade: WTFFFF

**Schlatt named contact Technoblade**

Technobald: HEH!??!?!  
  


Wilbur: DOESNt EVEN MAKE SENSE

**Wilbur left the groupchat**

**Technoblade left the groupchat**

**Schlatt went offline**

**Fundy left the groupchat**

Ranboo: Welp its just u and me now :)

**Sapnap went offline**

Ranboo: ..bruh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TAKE REQUESTS FOR SCENARIOS FOR THIS BOOK THINGY YKNOW


	4. Babysitters club pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur: Have fun yall :)
> 
> Tubbo: ilik a th nn bee
> 
> George: WILBURNO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i-i im not a good writer forgive me

**Wilbur made a groupchat**

**Wilbur named the groupchat Babysitter's club**

**Wilbur added George, Schlatt, Technoblade, Fundy, Ranboo, Dream, xxx-xxx-xxx, xxx-xxx-xxx**

Wilbur: Hello..

George: What is this

Fundy: DID I FORGET ABOUT ANOTHER PROJECT??

Ranboo: Babysitter's club?

Wilbur: @fundy yes so come to my house so we can go over the materiel :)

Dream: Oh shit really? Alright can u send your address?

Wilbur sent his location

Schlatt: yes yses

Technoblade: I cant believe you Dream lmao

Dream: IM CONFUSED TO!!

George: Alrght i'll be at your house in like 20 minutes

Dream: Yeah same.

Fundy: WAIT I NEED TO GET REDy

Ranboo: same ig

Wilbur: yeh ur all so lucky imnot stuopid haha

Dream: SHUT UP I HAVE BETTER GRADES THEN YOU

Wilbur: u wont after this :)

George: SHUT UP

Ranboo: I'm almost there I had to convince my mom to drive me there

Dream: AHHAHA

George: LMAO

Ranboo: YOU GUYS DONT HAVE UR DRIVERS LICENSE EITHER

Fundy: I'll be over in like 5 minutes

Wilbur: alrght

Ranboo: gghuhghghhh

~~George: Same i'm driving with dream~~

Message was deleted

  
Fundy: i saw that

Dream: No you didnt

Fundy: FUCK U!

Dream: Chill let me have friends

Fundy: fuck u stil

Dream: Take a carrot, calm yourself :)

George: alrght im here

Dream: ...same

Fundy: I see your house

Ranboo: IVE BEEN AT HIS HOUSE!! FOR A LONG TIME!!!

Fundy: Fuck u-

...

Wilbur cautiously stepped out of his house, a smile on his face. 

He watched as George stepped out his small grey car as Dream followed suit, his green hoodie stuck to his skin like leather despite the blistering hot weather. Wilbur looked over his shoulder and at the younger boy he called Ranboo, sipping on a small glass of water while speaking to his older brother, Techno.

"Hey! Sorry if I took a little long!" George chirped happily.

Wilbur's grin grew bigger, Dream stopped in his tracks, looking at the boy suspiciously before he noticed Fundy's car driving up to the house.

"FUCK YOU GEORGE!" Fundy growled, fox like, as he put up a rather fucked up middle finger up to the brunette. His 1990s Honda Accord Wagon making a horrid noise as he stopped it behind "dnf's" car. 

George, without looking at the ginger, started to hum to the theme of "pacify her by melanie martinez". 

Fundy trudged his way over to the trio, stuffing his hands in his pockets and blowing away a piece of hair in his face.

Dream snickered and looked back amt the curly haired brunette

"Well anyways.." Wilbur started, "Why dont you two .. three come inside." Wilbur insisted, ushering in the trio with a seemingly never ending smile.

The three looked around the room before sitting down on a grey couch, next to ranboo as he tried not to tip over his cup.

Techno stared at them before smiling??

George and dream tensed up, and ranboo directed his eyes to the corner of the couch, careful not to try and see whatever the fuck angered the pink haired boy man?

Wilbur sat down next to his brother, bringing a cup of water up to his lips, a smile still sat on his face.

"Uhm, so I kinda forgot what the project was?" Ranboo began hesitantly, fumbling with his hands.

"Ah yes." Techno huffed, sitting farther into the couch. The four looked at each other with the same thought

_Techno is helping us?_

Wilbur stuck his greedy fucking hands down his pockets, seemingly searching for something, before grabbing out a crumpled note.

Dream looked at the curly haired brunette and snatched the note out of wilburs hand. He scanned the note with shaking hands.

He immediately went pale and got up to run out of the house, but Techno grabbed his hoodie sleeve and forced him back on the couch.

Ranboo, with shaking hands, grabbed the note off the floor, scanning it with weary eyes. before showing the note to each boy who hasnt already read it.

_"Hello!!! We have a job for u :)) all :)) we need u to babysit tomy an' tubbo :)) theire shit is in tommys room. we need to go somewhere and will be back by 4pm :D bye by!!"_

George looked at the door, bouncing off the couch but alas, Wilbur and techno had already started up there cars, Schlatt somehow appearing and locking the door behind them.

_Fuck_

_Fuck_

_Fuck_

_FuCK_

_FUCK_

_FUCK_

...

**_Beep_ **

~~~

xxx-xxx-xxx: hhhdbdbbbbdbhshguw

Dream: oh god

Fundy: @Wilbur @Wilbur @Wilbur @Wilbur FUCK YOU

George: Who just said hhhdbdbbbbdbhshguw?

Techno changed xxx-xxx-xx's name

Tubbo: etttt

Ranboo: FIRST OF ALL WHO GAVE THE BABY A PHONE AND SECOND ARENT WE GOING TO TRY AND FIND HIM?  
  


xxx-xxx-xxx: uuu

Dream: fml

~~~

"TOMMY! TUBBO?" Dream shouted, walking down a long corridor presumably to the young boys room, George following closely behind, Fundy grumbling curses under his breath because he seems more like the third wheel then the boyfriend to Dream while walking behind George.

Ranboo listened closely when he heard blabbing coming from the room over. He put his ear up to a random door, and heard giggling.

He turned the door knob and looked at the two young boys on the floor, chunky ass blue blocks the size of there heads covering the tablets in their hands.

"DREAM! GEORGE! FUNDYY! I FOUND THEM!" Ranboo shouted, peeking his head behind the door.

Dream ran over and stopped in his tracks, taking in the scene before him. 

"FRICK FRACK YOU!!" Tommy spat, running over to his book shelf, and CRAWLING? CRAWLING UP THE THING.

George ran over and hauled the fucking four year old off the bookshelf before it came crashing down, and a book FLEW OFF THE SHELF HITTING TUBBO SQUARE IN THE NOSE.

"Oh shi-" 

"ANSWER WILBRU FUCK"

Tubbo looked down at his hand, and then touched his nose, and then put his hand down.

_Everybody held in their breath_

"WAHT !!!" Tubbo bawled throwing his tablet across the room, bouncing off the wall due to the case, and hitting tubbo in the forehead.

_oh no_

Tubbo fell over, seemingly DEAD!!!

Fundy ran over to tubbo, fumbling with his hands because tubbo may or may not have died.

Luckily Tubbo didn't die and instead was laughing his shit off

oh.

George held his phone in his hand, attempting to contact Wilbur but the idiot turned off his phone

And so he attempted to call Schlatt

_Beep_

_Beep_

..

"HEELLOO??" The ram hybrid shouted into the phone with a disgustingly loud tone

George, startled, dropped his phone onto the floor, accidentally turning on speaker in the process.

...

_music?_

...

"SCHLATT WHO YOU CALLIN'?" A familiar voice teased.

...

"IS THAT PHIL?" Dream sobbed, running a hand down his face.

The room collectively let out a loud groan at the prospect that Phil was partying

And then suddenly they heard something come from the phone.

_"Whores in this house"_

_"There's some whores in this house!"_

_"There's some whores in this house!"_

_"There's some whores in this house!"_

"OH SHIT!! SORRY IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO HEAR YOU IN HERE!" Schlatt shouted over the lyrics, while they could hear drunk girls singing to the song in the background.

..

"SCHLATT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOUR CALLING DREAM I WILL PUNT YOU!" They could hear the familiar voice of Wilbur threatening to beat the man.

_What did they get there selves into_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not uploading for a while this chapter took a long time lol

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first chatfic! If you guys have any suggestions tell me!


End file.
